Kitchie Coo

It's amazing how you can love two children so differently, yet so very completely.  When I was pregnant with Claire I had a fear many second-time parents have...will I love her as much as the first? The answer is, "God yes! And in such a new and awesome way from the first!"  These are two different human beings, of course I'm not going to love them the same way.  I just love them both the way they need to be loved.

Two years ago, Claire burst into our lives 10 days early and with little fuss.  I went to bed as normal the night before her birthday, and at 8:30 am we were holding her in our arms, slightly shocked at what had just happened, but already in love.


I was so nervous to introduce Claire to Anna, certain that I had just ruined her life as she was no longer the only center of our universe.  But, again, my fears were unfounded.  Anna marched herself into the hospital room that morning demanding "where's my sister?", and they've been an unstoppable team ever since.




Claire has brought so much joy into our world.  She is the happiest child I've known and truly has zest for life that brings smiles to everyone around her.  She is affectionate, snuggly and loves throwing her arms around my neck and kissing me square on the lips.  This kid really loves life, and seeing this as a parent brings me insurmountable joy.










Claire has changed so much this year...from baby to toddler.  From helpless to determined.  From straight-ish hair to spiral curls.  Along with her joy, Claire has some serious spunk!  She let's her needs be known, she doesn't let Anna get away with picking on her, and she does everything just a little louder than most would deem necessary. She is her own person through and through. And oh oh oh how I love this little person.



Happy Birthday Sweet Claire Bear.  You are my Bear, my Muppet, my Monkey, my Bear Bear, my very heart and soul.  I love you so much.  I can't wait to see where this next year brings you.

"I am Sam. Sam I am."
-Intro to Dr. Suess' beloved children's book Green Eggs and Ham.

"I am SAHM.  SAHM I am."
-Intro to my beloved new career.


SAHM, the acronym for Stay-At-Home-Mom.  Its my job, its my title, its what I do.  It used to bug me when the first question people asked when I met them is "What do you do?"  I mean really really really bugged me.  "I'm an accountant at the University," I would mumble.  Because, why should I be immediately be defined by what I do?  I wasn't proud of my job, I wasn't excited about my job, and the first thing people would say is "I hate numbers" or, "I could never do that, it'd be so boring!" Touché my friends.  Although I love numbers fiercely, the work was very dull.  I was always convinced that people would think that I was dull and would immediately start in on all the reasons I worked such a dull, dreadful job and how I was actually a fun and exciting human being.  Ugh.

When we moved back to Minnesota from Montana I was so excited to be done with my "dreadful accounting job" and working my dream job of SAHM.  Except, that it wasn't exactly what I thought it would be.  Claire was 7 months old, Anna almost 3.  There wasn't much we all enjoyed doing together as a threesome and I was struggling to find things to fill our days.  I was lonely, anxious, mildly depressed and kicking myself for thinking this grass was going to be so much greener.  I wasn't happy at all.

So, I decided to pursue my other dream job.  I got a job as a baker.  And for almost a year it really truly was a dream job.  Someone was paying me to bake! I got some time away from the girls and when people asked me what I did for a living I proudly beamed "I'm a baker."  And then the next question was always an inquiry about the time I had to get up in the morning.  4 am.  That was the killer.  For awhile it worked because I was so in love with this job.  Mace made compromises, our family made compromises.  I was tired all the time, I was cranky, the girls and I had dreadful afternoons after I got off work, things went downhill.  Suddenly my dream job wasn't working for our family anymore.

Fast forward to now.  I have restarted my dream job of SAHM.  There are a few key things I have learned about being a SAHM that changed this job for me from lonely/anxious/depressed mom to happy/blessed/joyous mom.  I am going to share these things in another post because they have been critical to my current success as a SAHM. And now, I'm proud to tell people what I do.  I'm proud when people say "I could never do that, it'd be so hard to hang out with kids all day!"  Yes, some days it is.  Some days it totally sucks like every other job.  But most days, most days are the most precious, awesome exciting days of my life.  I get to be with two of my favorite people in the world all day long.  My life feels full now.  My heart is often on the verge of exploding because it is so full of love and gratitude.  This is a very bold statement but: I am happier than I have ever been in my life.  My dreams have come true.

I am SAHM.  SAHM I am.

First, let me introduce you to my newest niece, Riley Marie.  She is every bit of perfect.


When we walked into the hospital room to meet her, the air was charged with newness, love, life.  I could feel God there as strong as I ever have.  I feel that a new baby is the closest a person can come to physically touching God. A way to remind us, as humans, about the true beauty of life.  There wasn't space for anything else in that hospital room but joy.  Thank you Riley, for bringing so much joy to our family.

This scene brought me instantly back to the day both my girls were born, breathing in their softness and breathing love out of every pore of my body. It recharged me and it renewed my love for them in a way that surprised me.  It reminded me of all the promises I made about the kind of mother I was going to be....and how many of those promises have taken a back seat as life has taken over.  I mulled those promises over in my mind as my girls slept in the backseat, and I drove the hour home from the hospital the night Riley was born.

Which of these promises were made out of fantastical ideas of motherhood while I was still pregnant, and which are realistic enough to start anew?  Which vows can I renew to my girls?  And which have I made since entering parenthood that are waiting to be fulfilled?

These are the vows I can honestly and truly renew to you, Anna and Claire.  While this list will certainly be added to, these are the promises I make to you today.  You are my monkeys, my sunshines, my kisses and hugs.  You are my Bean, my Muppet, my breath and my air.  You make my world go round, every single day.  My life would be empty without you in it, and because of this great void you fill in my life...

I vow to tell you I love you every single day.

I vow to love you absolutely and unconditionally.

I vow to be present with you.  I will set aside time from the dishes, the phone and all life's distractions to be totally focused and present with you every single day.

I vow to be kind, loving and respectful towards you.

I vow to be patient with you, though I cannot vow to never lose my cool....I do, however, vow to always apologize if I hurt you in any way or lose my temper.

I vow to be an adult you can trust, no matter what.  You can come to me with anything and I will listen with an open heart and ears.  No matter what it is, we will get through it together.

I vow to set limits so that you stay safe.

I vow to stand back and let you make mistakes, as long as you are safe, so you can learn to make good decisions in your future.

I vow to listen to you.  I will listen to your ideas, your words and your stories with open ears.

I vow to talk healthily and respectfully about my body and yours, in order to give you the fighting chance at a healthy body image.

I vow to feed you nutritious meals and to teach you about healthy eating.

I vow to also sneak in a treat or two.

I vow to remain active so I can be a role model, and to encourage you to be active as well.

I vow to laugh with you, have fun with you and be a little bit silly as often as possible.

I vow to talk daily about our family that does not live near, so that you may know them through me until you are with them again.

I vow to encourage your interests.

I vow to to instill in you a strong love for God and Jesus.

I vow to be your mama for always and forever.  To wrap you tightly in my arms as long as I can...then open them and watch you fly, with the total trust and understanding that I will always be your soft space to land.

I love you Anna.  I love you Claire.  With all my great big heart I love you.

And Happy Birthday sweet Riley.  Thank you for reopening my eyes to the beauty of this world, and my daughters. Welcome to this family.  Welcome to this world.  You are already so blessed and so loved.

A year is a strange thing.  They can pass by at a pace that makes you want to scream at time to hurry up.  But more often, they pass so quickly you can hardly catch your breath before the next one appears.  Such is the case, continually, since I became a mother.  How is it that Claire is one year old already?  Seemingly, one breath ago, she was a helpless life sleeping on my chest, waking me every two hours to eat, awing me with her tiny eyes, nose, mouth, feet.  Awing me with her presence, her life.



Claire breathes joy out of every pore of her body.  Her whole body smiles when she does, its impossible not to be just a little happier in her presence.  People constantly stop and grin at her and she does a full body wiggle-smile that I know makes peoples' days.  Apparently she really digs this life thing.

For obvious reason, I have been having a hard time finding quiet time to write lately.  I read a lot of other mom blogs and I have found myself wondering how the hell they do they do it?!  Are they superhuman?  Do they get more hours in their day? (I want in on this secret if that's the case.) Are they sacrificing precious sleep to write? (I refuse to participate in silliness such as this.) Are they better multitaskers than me? (I suck at multitasking. I literally cannot type and nurse Claire at the same time, or carry on a telephone conversation and grocery shop.)  Whatever the case, I cannot join the ranks of these awesome women and pound out a post a day while keeping it together here.  Not yet, anyway.

But in the interest of keeping a promise to myself, now that things feel a tiny bit more manageable in my daily life, I am going to attempt to keep up with my Weekly Cooing.  And with that tiny promise to myself and the idea of doing this one thing each week for myself...Coooo...

::

Life with two has been...an adjustment, to say the least.  Its been as daunting, tiring, hectic and exhausting as I had anticipated.  But, its also been a time full of beauty, blessings and falling in love over and over every day.

It is amazing how many times and ways you can fall in love with the same person.  I fell in love with Claire the moment I laid eyes on her, and every day since she was born the falling in love has happened again and again.  I have fallen in love with those deep blue eyes, the spiky brown hair on top of her head, the way she sounds exactly like a sheep bleating when she is sleeping, the soft baby scent of her skin, the way she stares at me when she is nursing, her warm cheek pressed against my chest as she sleeps on my stomach, her mellow spirit.  I could go on and on...


As I've learned since Anna entered our world, I continue to fall in love with her in different ways every day.  Lately, I have fallen in love with the her new found way of nurturing her sister, shushing her softly when she cries, patting her head and saying "its okay Cwaire".  I have fallen in love with her ease at adjusting to this new way of life, her ability to carry-on amid change, her easy going spirit and her smile that has somehow gotten bigger and brighter these past four weeks.  I think it has something to do with her new love...her baby sister.



I have fallen in love with the ease in which Mace has fallen into being a daddy to two.  I have fallen in love with his strong, gentle way with our stubborn two year old, and his sweet, gentle way with our newborn baby.  I have fallen in love with his ability to love me unconditionally through the major ups and downs in my moods and his unfailing commitment to our family, even through the end-of-the-semester busyness of grad school.


Our family.  So much love.  My heart oozes with the love we've created in our home.

Coo.

::

At this very moment, Mace is at Guard drill, Anna is off to see Santa with Mace's parents and Claire is asleep.  The house is quiet and still.  I am soaking up these moments of doing anything I damn well please.  I ate a cookie.  On the couch.  Didn't even have to eat it in secret for fear my two-year old would think cookies are an appropriate breakfast (they are, but only for adults, duh). I had an extra cup of coffee.  I sorted through pictures from the last month.  And now I am writing, uninterrupted and freely.  I was craving, deep in my soul, some time just like this. Precious time, just for me.  I love being selfish, even if its only for an hour.

Coo.

::

We have had a flourish of family here since Claire was born four weeks ago.  We are so darn lucky. Seriously.  I am realizing what a blessing it is to live far away from all our parents when we have had our babies.  And its not for the obvious reason.  Its because we've gotten to have our family plant themselves in our home and be with us.  I imagine if we lived in the same town there would be plenty of visits, but at the end of the day everyone would leave.  Being fully immersed with our parents, having extra hands at all hours of the day, and sharing the first weeks of Claire's life in a very intimate way has been pure joy.

Coo.

::

I hear the littlest one stirring...time to be mommy again.  What a beautiful morning this has been.  My batteries are charged.  Have a beautiful weekend!

Our sweet Claire surprised us and came a week earlier than planned!  She was born on November 9th at 8:02 am.  She weighed 7 lbs 9 oz and was 19.5" long.  She is healthy and unbelievably beautiful...of course.

She's three weeks old today!  My how time flies.  I've intended to post about her birth every day since she was born, and then the days whip by in a flurry of diapers, feedings, guests and chasing our busy toddler around the house.  Life is busy, but oh is it beautiful!

In the essence of time (BOTH girls are napping right now, woo hoo!), I will share some pics of the last few weeks and then get this posted.  And then I'll try really really hard to do an update about life with two within the next week.  No promises, but I'm going to make an effort.

THE BIRTH: MINUTES OLD


THE SISTERS MEET


POPPY AND GAMMY VISIT: 2 DAYS OLD



NANA VISITS: 10 DAYS OLD


GENERAL CLAIRE CUTENESS!




WELCOME TO OUR WORLD CLAIRE!  YOU ARE ALREADY SO LOVED.