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| Missoula 1/2 Marathon-July 2011 |
This was one of my prouder moments in life, and without question my proudest running moment. In July of this year I ran a 1/2 marathon, 10 months after giving birth to my daughter. It wasn't the best 1/2 marathon I had ever run, but it also wasn't my worst. And also, it didn't matter. I was just so happy to be running again, to be getting back in shape, to be setting a good example about fitness to my daughter. I bought a pair of shoes the day before the race (a risky move that turned out okay). These shoes have had exactly 13.1 miles on them...until today. Today I ran.
I haven't run, not because I don't want to, but for lack of time/motivation/(insert excuse here). Mace left for Guard duty 5 days after the 1/2 marathon and I have been struggling to find time to fit any form of exercise into my days since. Anna hates the jogging stroller, she screams and cries and hates every minute. This does not make for a relaxing jog. I just can't justify spending money on a sitter so I can run. So, I don't. And I haven't.
I am tired. I am tired of having to be "on" all the time. I'm tired from never getting a break. I am tired of being so damn responsible all the time! Also, I am terrible at asking for help. I have an arsenal of amazing friends that would do anything for me if I asked. But I don't ask. Whether its out of pride or stubborness or just being afraid of imposing, I am not sure. But, I don't ask. So, I don't run.
I had a meltdown this week after some especially hard, stressful and lonely days. I was relaying my woes to my awesome friend Jen, who happens to think that running can cure anything from a minor cold to major depression, and she offered to watch Anna today so I could run. A gift for me, without even asking.
I got up today and I was nervous. I was thinking of any excuse in the book to back out, hoping maybe the weather would turn nasty at any moment. Didn't happen. I hadn't run a step in over three months and was sure I was going to bomb this. Jen said "Kill it!" as I was heading out the door and I gave her back a sarcastic look that said "yeah right."
You know what? I am amazed at how easily I re-found my stride. My muscles remembered! They remembered and they were happy. I ran and I breathed and I took 35 precious minutes for me. ME! ME! MEEEEEEEEEE!!! I took 35 minutes and prayed, I dreamed, I envisioned, I hoped, I stared at our mountains, breathed in the crisp air and breathed out "thank you" over and over. And finally, I remembered why running always always always makes me feel whole again. I remembered that every time I take running out of my life I also take balance out of my life. I need to run. Its a big part of who I am, and without it I am lost.
I don't know how much I'll be able to get out and run between now and when Mace comes home in December. But what I do know is that I am going to try harder to make it happen. I am going to find time, I am going to try putting Anna in the jogging stroller again and maybe, just maybe, I'll even try asking for some help.
I'm glad you did so something for yourself. It's important--especially when you're the "do-it-all mom". Keep going!
ReplyDeleteIf I were there, I would watch her anytime you wanted to run. Perhaps if a group of ladies/men got together you could afford just one sitter for a few kids....Keep it up Maggie! PS This is Molly (in PA).
ReplyDeleteThanks Casie & Molly! I appreciate your support and good vibes.
ReplyDeleteMolly, hope life is good in PA, we miss you here!!
Hurrah for getting that run in! It can keep you sane!
ReplyDeleteOh, Maggie, I remember those days of feeling tied to my kids and unable (paralyzed!) to ask for help. But it's so important for you and for your beautiful daughter to take that time for yourself. It's mental health! Can you take turns with your friends, so you don't feel as guilty about asking? Hope you're able to work it out!
ReplyDelete@ Pennie - Thanks for the encouragement! I am going home for 10 days over Thanksgiving and I plan to ask for lots of help so I can get lots of running in! :-)
ReplyDeleteCongratulations! This is my first time reading your blog (found it on Foodbuzz9.)I, too, used to be a runner: 30-50miles per week. My fav distance was 10 miles. With quite a few half-marathons under my belt and, now, ahem, muffin top, I ran 18 miles of a marathon with hubby who kept saying "why the **** are we doing this, what are we trying to prove?" Thinking he was foolish, duh, to use all that oxygen/energy in the middle of a run which he did admit later, lol, I asked myself that question. We lived close to a river in northern CA with a 23+ mile running/bike paved trail and loved to get out almost every day. Turns out after about 10 yr of fairly hard running I wound up with a ruptured disc (healed within days and ran 6 weeks later, no prob since 1984!), then horrid plantar fasciitis, and exercise-induced asthma. Sigh, the end of my running even on a treadmill. We're only 1.5 hr from Lake Tahoe--awesome, breath-taking, and love to ski, snowboard, ice-skate, and have gotten into snow-shoeing. Sorry about that jibberish, but my real question is: do you ever power-walk/run on snowshoes? My sis and I have done a few intervals predicated by the depth/pack/quality of the snow but really gotten our heart rates up. If I weren't so old, creaky, and with ahubby that hates cold weather unless at the gambling table I'd live there in a heartbeat. Thanks for sharing. You have a new blog follower here :)
ReplyDeleteGreat to have you here as a new follower! And thanks for your awesome and thoughtful comment! I'll be honest, I have never even tried snowshoeing, but have always wanted to! I know we are in the perfect region for it.
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